Best to tear it quick, before there's time to reconsider; if done quickly enough, with enough force, the risk of exsanguination can be virtually extinguished. The hymen I speak of resides between my typing fingers: a fine, opaque film, not unlike those found on merfolk or mutants or even platypi, only more esoteric, less corporeal. The figurative maiden-head.
As I type these first painful words -- I feel as if I'm giving birth to myself; it's just this side of sick --I become acutely aware of the vast layers of sediment and drifting detritus that have nestled their way into the cracks inside my mushy little mind. You -- out there reading this (though you're probably not, not really) -- can't see the process behind the painstaking selection of each typed word, the mid-mind battle over minutiae... you might assume it's casual, but I assure you (pretend I'm shaking you by the shoulder for emphasis whilst I restate myself emphatically): "I assure you!", it ain't. The wheels have gone soft, the axle's greased with rust, grit, and fibrous growths of immaterial nonsense, which is to say, it's not very greasy at all... the spinning, whirling machinations of higher thought are slowing in their once incalculably quick revolutions. I'm even throwing in mindlessly inane "big" words so as to divert attention from the real problem; if my sad little plan has worked, then I've already lost you along the way, and you're left unable to follow my miniature train-set of thought.
Alas. You, whom I conjured in the first place, o imaginary reader -- in my mind you possess the greatest mental faculties and the highest of high intelligences, vastly superior to my own meager, quotidian intelligence (there! I hope I used that word incorrectly to further illustrate my point, and if I didn't, perchance I stumbled onto the proper usage through sheer dumb luck [I won't even check dictionary.com], then I've surely made myself look moronic enough by digressing for this long) -- you, dear reader, know exactly what I'm rambling on about... Which is, as you know: nothing.
